Caught in the middle

its not always a bad place to be, caught in the middle.

I'm just noticing how often I'm there and I wonder how often I put myself there versus how often I get maneuvered there.

Growing up, I was often in the middle between the maternal dictator and the hotheaded hormonal older sibling. Now I realize said sibling was probably no worse than any other at the same age but at the time, I felt my name was peacemaker.
We are all much older now but I still feel like I'm in the middle. Maternal unit us showing signs of aging and sibling swings between Pollyanna like view and condemning MU to 24 hour care.

I am even coming to realize I'm in the middle in choir, too. Not the best, not the worst. I remember when I thought I was the glue, but after leaving and hearing them continue without me, it was pretty clear I was merely another voice in the crowd.

Sometimes the middle is within the house, between Blueman and the furry kids. Other times I'm in a battle between the kids and my need for alone in the chair time. The worst is when I'm caught between the cravings for something unhealthy and the desire to better myself.

I've been behind before and I'd like to think at least once I've been in the lead but mostly I'm in the middle. Now if I could just decide if that's where I'm supposed to be.