Creating

I rarely look at something in my craft world and have a definitive plan. Sometimes even when I start, it's not plan a or even plan b that I end up using. What I've realized lately is that it's when I stop contemplating the fabric or the yarn that I get the best idea.

Friday I cut into the purple fabrics, I was high on my crazy quilt completion and raring to go. I wanted to do stripes in some fashion. I cut them in large strips figuring I could half them if needed.  Then the desire abruptly left as I had no clear path on what to do. I googled images for inspiration but although I was intrigued by some, there wasn't enough there to germinate the seed for growth into a full blown idea.  I walked away. Saturday, nothing, Sunday more of the same. Monday, I gathered up strips and put them away. I moved on to something else and am enjoying it. Abc's and 123's is the new one (details later).

I moved on. I have crocheting coming along, I am making a craft wish list, housework, maternal unit shuttle service, etc. it wasn't until last night that I saw TWO examples, in different places, of what I want to do with the purple. I'm very excited. But it couldn't have happened until I stopped focusing directly on it.

How many non-craft decisions could be made with less stress in a similar way? How many times have I beat myself up about an answer or solution when just chillin would have worked?
Probably a lot but that's a problem I'll put on the back burner for now!

Struggles

It seems the struggle list is long lately. I'm having difficulties in bouncing back from things these days. The maternal unit says "you're getting older" as though that's a valid and wanted factoid. All I know is things are getting hard again.

I think I've finally put my previous employment behind me. I'm rather embarrassed that Its taken four months to do so. I feel a bit like an addict but I am getting by without it now and am finding my feet again now that I've cast off that role.  The head down, plow through, self esteem busting on a daily basis is over.

The narcissistic sibling NarcyMe, is up to the same antics. Why do I deal with this? Why do I let this behavior change mine? I'm tired of cajoling a better mood or taking thinly (and not so thinly) veiled insults just so NarcyMe can come in first. My life's goal is not to be better than anyone other than the person I was yesterday so this attitude stymies and frustrates me. You can't write off family and I don't want to hurt the maternal unit by causing a rift.  Blueman thinks talking will help. I love his naïveté and his defense of me.

Probably most disconcerting this week is that my sewing machine is acting up. I don't know why and I don't know how to fix it but I'm working on a difficult pattern and not only are all my squares misshapen, (not sure how that happened) but now my machine locks up a lot. It's probably 20 years old and was a floor demo model to begin with. It has never done more than one stitch well and only tiny ones. So I am a little afraid of getting something new.

The highlight today is as I sit here and look around, I see one of my boys curled up and sleeping and suddenly my struggles seem a little less restrictive and heavy on my heart.

May completes

I managed to finish a few things early,

The first crazy quilt is comlete. I feel better about it since it's done but I'll still stew about sending it out until I get "a sign" that's it's the right fit.

Cranberry shells prayer shawl is complete. It doesn't yet have a home but I'm praying on it.

Today it's puff in the craft room with me. The big window may be more of a lure than I, but I'll take what company I can.

Fruity madness

the other day I was noticing aromas, smells, etc.
My body wash is a watermelon mango type scent.
My conditioner ran out so gave been using leftover Blueman stuff whis is a coconutty vanilla smell. (Which I gate, btw, but I'll use it because he won't)
I had purchased some ripen strawberries and Blueman unknowingly purchased more.
I felt I needed bananas so I gave a couple of those.
Our auto air freshener in one room is like apple cinnamon.

So my life for a few days was a mixed up fruit salad!

It's getting near the end of the month and I only have one project finished and mailed and that was Frosty Blue.  ( I feel I must insert here that I re-read all 10or so Patricia Briggs' books of the Mercy series too....)
I think I can finish Cranberry Shells and possibly my quilt. I am on the final panel. Quilt it, add it, hand sew the back, cut border and sew. Surely I can do this in six days? I prepped material for the edging last night after fixing yet another mistake.

Then comes the thrill of choosing the next project. I can't wait!  I need some summer skirts so may run up a couple of those.  I'm eager to make a sleeveless jumper in lightweight fabric. My others are heavy denim. Ohhh the possibilities.....

Update

the quilt is coming along. Two of the five panels are attached and I'm learning a lot. I hadn't sewn for a few days while running errands and crocheting.

Photo bom!  Wink was feeling frisky.

Taken just prior to the feline investigation.  I love the dog bone fabric.

Can't wait until tomorrow when I can sew again.

There but for the Grace of God...

I like reality tv. I freely admit it. I've watched at least 75% of what's out there at least one time. I won't watch real housewives but I love the little women LA version. I'm kind of over biggest loser but I do like 600lb life.  I'm grossed out by hoarders but I love to watch it.  I will not share my husband but I admit to curiosity about women foolish enough to do so.  Why not a show about multiple husbands?

I was walking a dish into the kitchen and I joked with my husband that I have watched too many hoarder episodes because I nearly washed my dish in the bathroom sink! I shouldn't joke. These people truly fight different demons than I do and I'm afraid that with a traumatic event, I could be like them.  I went through a phase in my life where I had no idea what I owned, I just knew it was mine and I needed more.  Moving into my current home and finally being happy with my life has helped me to be organized and I know what I have and mostly where it is.  I no longer have a half dozen boxes full of who knows what in the garage. I feel good about that and I take full advantage of those times when I want to pare down and filter.  A monthly donation of usable items we don't need makes me feel good.

I decided that I don't need to watch news two or more times a day. I think it's depressing me. I'll get details that I need but I don't need to be banged over the head by it.  I'll listen a little and then go back to my crafts.  I'm very happy with my cranberry project so I'll focus there.

Happy crafting to you all.

A break...more than one

i finished Frostie Blue and was tapped out. I didn't craft for probably two days.  I'd like to think the reason wasnt due to more than just having given it my all but... I think it was that I hadn't heard back from the intended recipient about how perfect it would be.  I believe I'm still too caught up in getting validation from others opinions. Well, and having them agree with me.  I really like that.

I started again and I'm loving the new shawl I'm doing. It's a light cranberry color in a pretty pattern. I think it will be a nice shawl when I'm done.  The funny thing is, I'd put aside my earlier disappointment about Frostie Blue and moved on. Then I was given the go ahead on sending it and suddenly life was a little brighter.

Why do I do this? Quick tempered and mercurial. I'm a trial to myself and I'm tired of my own behavior. I should be better than this!

First finish in May!

After many long hours of ignoring my housework and sometimes Blueman and the boys, "Frostie Blue" is finished! For someone who does not count knitting as my speciality, finishing two projects is quite a thing. This one was crochet at first but once it got off the rails (turning triangular) I had to frog it and finally call it dead as crochet. What felt like hours of rolling yarn, I started a knitted prayer shawl. Then it became a challenge. Just another section, then I'll go to bed, just another row and I'll feed the boys, etc.

It's lightweight but a bit warm. Loose and flexible. I hope it's home likes it as much as I do.

Frosty Blue done in self-patterning yarn.

So my fifth UFO can be removed from the list. Woot!

Frustrations and learning

Working on this quilt has been a learning experience.  I'm not one who handles obstacles well, especially those of my own making. I don't allow myself learning curves for things either, which is not a good thing.  Today it all came spiraling down as I began some actual quilting.  I had to undo the first pass and then a couple of small boo boos along the way.  So many times in the past this would have caused me to put the project down and not finish for a long time if ever.

But I've learned a little patience and having a home for the quilt, or at least a tentative one, makes a difference.

The biggest fear that I have is my addiction. I've got a project I'm crocheting for Christmas, I'm knitting a shawl for a friends mom and I'm sewing this quilt for another one's. I know what I want to crochet next, I have my next knitting project in my head and there are many fabric possibilities.
I fear I'm hooked. Hooked on the hook, needled by the needles, etc.  I must remember it's a hobby and not a substitute for human interaction.

Building

so I decided to pull Bluemans folding card table into the craft room to use as a cutting and staging area. Within seconds of setting it up I had it covered and had to reorganize and clear space.

Weeks ago we'd purchased a little wheeled cart with shelves because I was tired of scudding a TV tray around. It was finally built a couple of days ago. Moving the Cpap to and from bed has been a dream. Much like the wonderful shelves in the garage, I don't know why it took so long to do something that ended up being so helpful.

I've been working on my first "real" quilt, too. Building squares is turning to building rows.

I tried to get a good shot and taping it to the wall worked the best!

I'm also working on my knitting project and trying to finish by this weekend. Since the good and plenty isn't due til Christmas, I'm putting it to the second half of the month.

Everyday I try to build my character in the right way. Trying not to fuss at Blueman, trying not to get frustrated with the maternal unit, etc. One day at a time.

Yummy!

My gift box included microwave cake mixes.

First you have a cup

After a minute you have cake.  Next time I won't use such a large mug but oh my my. Yummy!

Lazy days?

When I don't go out, I feel like I have a "lazy day".  Loads of laundry, trash, and other household chores don't seem to hit my radar to remove the lazy stigma. I'm a big label person. I love being a wife. I feel like I'm a good daughter. I'm surrogate mama to three furry boys. I'm an alto in the choir.

Where this all goes awry is that I'm used to the majority of my internal label revolving around my work title. I'm a sales rep, or I'm in customer service, or even I'm a front line cashier. Now I have no outside work so my sense of identity, or the loss thereof has left me reeling. I'm a little surly sometimes. I'm a lot guilty sometimes. Worse yet, the lack of work title has left a void that I'm trying to figure out how to fill. I've started crafting and finishing in process stuff. I'm learning more things and feeling my way through, but it's been a struggle. Added to this, it was my choice to cease working. So I can't even be angry with the company like I might be if they ended my employment.

Of all the things I thought I'd have to deal with at this point of my life, figuring out "who" I am didn't even make the list.  I expected to be tied to an unhappy place of employment and the relief of that loss has been startling. The job was an almost debilitating weight on me and not having that on my shoulders is taking some getting used to.

I'm quite blessed in this life in so many ways. Blueman has infinite amounts of patience with me which is pleasing and annoying. He doesn't take my moody bait.  Each day that passes I feel more grateful and I am learning to enjoy this new life.

Sometimes I want to curl up like my boys.

One new project

Most of the blogs I read these days are quilting versus yarn crafts. I suppose this is because I feel comfortable about my crochet and knitting skills so why read about it so much? My mil quilts and we gave many examples in our home. I've not wanted to "compete" so I've kept the fabric stores largely untouched since the days of working outside the home ended.

Last night I had a spark. I pulled some fabric from my sisters de-stashing event and today I began my first attempt.  I'm allowing some leeway as it was my first attempt but I'm thinking I can learn from the four boo-boos and if I commit to one square a day, I could have a top in two weeks or so.

Now the hard part is to not get bored or frustrated with challenges therein.

Here is prototype before trimming

Sort of finished square. I can't wait to do another tomorrow. Practice makes perfect after all.