I shouldn't have done it.

I knew it would happen if I did it and the fact that I didn't plan it doesn't matter.

I was alone last evening. So no real dinner, no routine.
This is how I came to be available to watch "a million little things". I'm not sharing a secret when I say it's about the after effects of suicide.

I've never seriously considered suicide. I've been depressed but never so severely that I planned to off myself.
However, I'm dealing with schmucks at work on a daily basis and an elderly parent as well as yet undiagnosed issue with Blueman.
Then the show continued showing the little details in the lives of those people in that group of friends. I don't want to get involved. There will likely be more tears and drama and I just don't need that. I already spend enough time aware of my mortality.

I remember when I thought thirty or forty was old. Now... Old is like ninety.

I need to enjoy more about my days and get back to my quest for zen. Tears are a catharsis but I can't live in that realm.

Let's go find the beauty in the day!